Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
