I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
