remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
