his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize