if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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