Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
