i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize