I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
