you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
