So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
