so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it was like eating out sand paper
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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