he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
