If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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