I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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