YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
