So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
