We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
