Umm I'm too high to move.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
