Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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