he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
