You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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