Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
