I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
