I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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