btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This is my gift to your gina
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
