You can't motorboat a personality
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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