I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize