Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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