I can tuck mytits in my pants
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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