So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
that is very illegal...i love you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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