Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
