things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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