Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
