I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
