Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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