his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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