Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
