I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
