Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
