Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
