He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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