I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
