As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize