you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
