Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
