I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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