I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
