Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
