guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize