She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
