Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
