I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Drunk is not a location!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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