i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
