If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
