She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
