remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
