That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
