You were right. It hurts to walk today.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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