The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
