have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
