Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
someone owes me an orgasm
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
