goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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