we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
