He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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