This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
