Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
