I can tuck mytits in my pants
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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