They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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