hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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