If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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