my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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